【Funeral Essentials】8 Taboos When a Loved One Passes & A Guide to the Vigil Process
- Dec 15, 2025
- 6 min read
Facing the passing of a loved one is not only a huge emotional blow but also a complex stage requiring careful handling. In this difficult time, understanding funeral knowledge not only helps us manage arrangements properly but also ensures we respect the deceased's final wishes. This article introduces eight must-know funeral taboos, the flow of the Vigil and Funeral Day, date selection, and other important matters. We hope to help everyone facing bereavement cope better and cherish the memory of their loved ones during this sorrowful process.
How to Choose a Funeral Date?
When planning a funeral, the first step is usually selecting a date. Choosing a suitable funeral date requires coordinating with the schedule of the funeral parlor and crematorium, while traditionally also avoiding dates that "clash" (Heung Chung). Families usually consult a Taoist priest (Nam Mo Master) or Feng Shui master to avoid days that clash with the Chinese Zodiac signs of the deceased or immediate family members. Additionally, specific "inauspicious days" are avoided to prevent bringing bad luck to the family.
Ultimately, the confirmation of the date often depends on the availability of government cremation slots or burial plots. It is recommended that families arrange this as soon as possible after obtaining the Certificate of Death.
General Hong Kong Funeral Procedures (Funeral Parlor): From Vigil to Interment
In Hong Kong, funeral procedures typically include Setting the Spirit (Sheung Ling), Encoffinment, The Grand Encoffinment (Tai Lim), and the Funeral Procession followed by interment. Each step contains specific rituals and taboos. Understanding these flows helps families arrange matters more properly, reflecting respect for the deceased and reverence for tradition.
Setting the Spirit and The Vigil (The Night Before the Funeral)
"Setting the Spirit" is usually performed the night before the funeral. Religious rituals are held, and family members stay at the funeral hall overnight; this is known as the Vigil. The purpose is to "open the way" for the deceased, praying for the soul to find rest.
The Ritual:
Religious rites are performed to guide the spirit.
Vigil Taboos:
During the vigil, certain taboos must be observed. For example, avoid loud noises or shouting in the hall. In traditional contexts, one should avoid eating meat to avoid offending the deceased. These taboos aim to maintain a mournful atmosphere and respect.
Funeral Day Process
This is the core part of the funeral. The general flow for the day is as follows:
Grand Encoffinment (Tai Lim): Held in the morning. It includes viewing the body, sealing the casket, and final farewell rites. These are accompanied by religious rituals, such as "Breaking Hell" (Taoist), Chanting and Sealing the Casket (Buddhist), or Encoffinment Prayers (Christian).
Funeral Procession (Chu Bun): The hearse transports the casket to the place of burial or cremation, accompanied by corresponding religious rites. Note: If proceeding directly from a mortuary (Hospital Direct), only simple rituals are permitted, but basic etiquette is still followed.
Hero's Feast (Consolation Meal / Ying Hung Yin): After the ceremony, family and friends gather for lunch. This symbolizes the release of sorrow and the washing away of gloom.
What is the Vigil? Why do we do it?
The Vigil is an important ritual held the night before the funeral, where the chief mourner and family stay by the body to show mourning.
Why hold a Vigil?
The Vigil is a tradition rich in cultural heritage, symbolizing deep remembrance and respect. In early times, before advanced technology, funeral parlors, and refrigeration, the spirit tablet and body were kept at home. To protect the body from wild cats, dogs, or rats, relatives took turns guarding the hall all night. With technological advancements, bodies are now properly preserved in freezers or caskets, so there is no worry about animals. However, the Vigil ritual remains. Its significance is no longer about physical protection, but spiritual guardianship and deep emotional mourning.
Vigil Flow & Taboos
On the day of the Vigil, the family usually arrives at the hall around 4:00 PM, puts on mourning attire, and begins offering incense. Nam Mo Masters (priests) typically start the altar rituals around 6:00 PM to chant for the deceased. Modern vigils usually conclude after the religious rites end. During the vigil, avoid loud noises and abstain from meat to maintain respect.
8 Taboos for Family and Friends
Avoid entering Temples
Traditionally, funeral affairs are considered "unclean." During the mourning period, one should avoid entering temples to avoid offending the deities.
Avoid visiting others
Because funeral affairs are seen as bad luck (having "foul air"), mourners should avoid visiting other people's homes to prevent bringing bad luck to them.
Avoid attending weddings
Traditionally, "Red" (Joyous) and "White" (Mourning) events clash. Attending a wedding during mourning might bring bad luck to the couple. Exception: If you ask the couple beforehand and they explicitly agree, it may be permissible.
Dress simply and plainly
During mourning, one should wear simple, plain-colored clothing (black, white, dark blue). Avoid over-dressing or bright colors.
No haircuts, nail cutting, or shaving
Not grooming oneself symbolizes that the family is too consumed by grief and funeral arrangements to care about their appearance. Traditionally, cutting hair or nails during mourning is considered unfilial (as our bodies come from our parents). You may groom yourself immediately after the funeral/cremation.
Avoid high-profile celebrations
Due to grief, families generally do not celebrate festivals. Celebrations for holidays like Dragon Boat Festival or Mid-Autumn Festival should be muted or skipped.
Do not kill living things
If insects or animals appear at home during the mourning period, do not kill or drive them away. They are believed to be the incarnation of the deceased or guides leading the deceased to the afterlife.
"Covering the Deities" (Che Sun)
If there is an altar at home, traditional custom dictates covering the statues and ancestor tablets with red paper to prevent them from coming into contact with the funeral aura. This is removed, and incense offerings resume, only after the funeral.
Funeral "Need-to-Knows"
Does the deceased have to wear "Longevity Clothes" (Shou Yi)?
Not necessarily. In Chinese tradition, only those aged 60 or above are considered to have "Longevity" and qualify for traditional Shou Yi. Those under 60 usually wear their favorite daily clothes. However, views are modernizing. Married individuals are often considered adults and can use Shou Yi.
Design Meaning: Shou Yi has wide sleeves, symbolizing freedom and comfort ("looseness"). It has no pockets, symbolizing that the deceased will not take away the wealth and fortune of the living.
Modern View: Christian and Catholic families often prefer the deceased to wear their favorite clothes. Even traditional families sometimes buy Shou Yi only to place it in the coffin as a burial object.
Why must "Pak Kam" (Condolence Money) be an odd number?
Guests give Pak Kam to show respect and help with costs. The amount must be an odd number (e.g., $101, $501).
The Reason: If you give a round number like $500, the family gives back a $1 coin in the "Git Yi" (return gift). $500 - $1 = $499. The number 9 (Gau) sounds like "Long lasting." You do not want a funeral to be "long-lasting."
The Solution: Guests give $501. Family returns $1. $501 - $1 = $500. This is a clean, round end.
What is "Da Chai" (打齋)?
This refers to Taoist rituals performed in the funeral hall to rescue the soul from the underworld. Teams usually consist of combinations like "5 Priests + 1 Musician." Rituals include "Breaking Hell" and guiding the soul to the Pure Land.
What is "Git Yi" (吉儀)? This is the return gift from the family to the guests. It usually contains a Tissue (for tears), a Sweet (to soothe bitterness), and a $1 Coin (thanks).
Important: The coin and sweet must be used/eaten on the day of the funeral. Do not bring the coin home, or it brings the "mourning air" back with you. Spend it or donate it immediately.
Further Reading【殯儀服務指南】2024喪禮開支、殯儀服務收費清單
Bidding a Final Farewell with Love and Respect
Planning a funeral is an act of farewell filled with reverence and love. By selecting an auspicious date in advance and familiarizing yourselves with the procedures and taboos outlined above, you can avoid unintentional missteps during the ceremony. In particular, grasping the details of the funeral day allows you to remain organized even amidst your grief, ensuring your loved one departs in peace and leaving no regrets in this final send-off.
FAQ: Common Questions During Mourning
Can I give Red Packets (Lai See) during the mourning period?
If it is for a joyous occasion (like a wedding), try not to attend personally. You can ask a friend to deliver the Red Packet on your behalf to avoid the clash of Red and White events.
Can I attend another person's funeral while I am in mourning?
You should ask the other family if they mind. If they don't mind, it is fine to pay respects. However, tradition suggests that since both parties are in mourning, it is often inconvenient to interact.
When can I cut my hair?
Strict tradition says wait 3 years. However, modern custom allows you to cut your hair and shave immediately after the funeral procession/cremation is complete, to tidy up your appearance.
What is "Chong Sang" (Double Death)?
"Chong Sang" refers to multiple relatives passing away within a short period (especially within one year). In Hong Kong tradition, this is considered very unlucky, and special rituals are often performed to "break" this cycle.
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